Reading

Setting Boundaries, Finding Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab

I found this book to be an incredibly eye-opening read. The part that struck me most was the discussion of rigid and soft boundaries and their relation to past trauma / lived experiences. I found the guidance and advice to be highly practical and easy to implement right away. I encouraged my mother to read this book, which she also found valuable, and it became a great way for the two of us to talk about my upbringing and to have a common language that removed value judgments. This read felt applicable to inward reflection, relationships with friends and lovers, as well as the use of boundary setting at work.

Heal the Body, Heal the Mind: A Somatic Approach to Moving Beyond Trauma by Susanne Babbel

I really enjoyed the style in which this book was written. There were opportunities to review checklists to map yourself to certain types of trauma with explanations of the trauma, the way it may have shown up, and how it may currently manifest. As the title states, it involves the connection between the body and mind – a necessary read for folks who might be high-functioning and accomplished but with some unpacked trauma. This read felt applicable to inward reflection, relationships with friends and lovers, as well as exploration of prior traumas from childhood through adulthood.

Toxic Childhood Stress: The Legacy of Early Trauma and How to Heal (originally published as The Deepest Well) by Nadine Burke Harris

I attended a talk by Dr Harris, which is why I recognized her name during my online search for books about early childhood and its relationship to trauma. The book was a wonderful read in that it showed how a culturally competent and curious doctor was able to tease out important information to help her largely lower-income, minority pediatric patients and their families. The stories shared help provide insight into the wealth/resource gaps in communities and how they manifest. Personally, it was resonant to read that your childhood experience predisposes you for certain health crises later in life even if you “live healthy” as an adult. This read felt applicable to inward reflection as well as health planning for those who may have potentially forgotten childhood trauma and adverse living conditions.

The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man’s World by Alan Downs

I pushed through reading this book in the hopes of attempting to think about who it would be mostly geared towards. The book is great for anyone who has recently “come out” and anyone interested in queer history. The book suffers from a very myopic and niche focus on a very non-diverse (racially, culturally, socio-economically) segment of the gay male community. This read felt applicable to inward reflection in where one might fit into the gay male community, why some in the community may behave in particular ways, and as a reference point for how much the LGBTQ community has changed for the better.

The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love by Dossie Eastman & Janet W Hardy

Recommended by a friend ahead of a group trip for discussion while on vacation (specifically the third edition which is much more inclusive), I found this book a useful read. I describe it as useful because you do not need to believe in non-monogamy to enjoy reading about the history of non-monogamy and how it has evolved in the United States. It also shatters some preconceptions about non-monogamy and emphasizes elements of any relationship that are made more complex – for example, communication with one’s partner around needs and feelings require explicit engagement in non-monogamous relationships. While not overly salacious, the book left me wondering about what it would take for me to opt into the types of arrangements discussed in the book. This read felt applicable to inward reflection as well as platonic and romantic relationships – be they monogamous or not.

Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived Joyful Life by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans

I found this book to be an incredible resource toward getting clarity about what is next. I read this book while thinking about where to take my career in the short and long-term, but the tools and language shared in the book have value more broadly. I still think about prototyping as not unique to launching a tech startup, but in thinking about piloting decisions and even viewing past iterations of work as prototypes for something much bigger – a true shift in mindset. This read felt applicable to inward reflection with a focus on work and what energizes you.

You Were Born for This by Chani Nicholas

To the degree you find astrology, placements, and aspects a useful tool for literal direction or an essence that helps guide you, this book is a very worthwhile read. I took notes while reading this book. It includes affirmations and questions to consider based on your natal chart – so you’ll want to know more than just your sun sign. This read felt applicable to inward reflection with a focus on affirmations and questions to consider for regular journaling.

The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why it Matters by Priya Parker

Recommended on a trip that did not go as smoothly as someone who would have followed Parker’s recommendations, I found this book to be an excellent resource for life. Each section of this book covers how to lead an effective gathering by it a personal celebration, a team meeting, a conference, or a professional “thing” that could use some rethinking and revisiting of the status quo. Covering what it means to be an effective host, setting the rules of the engagement, designing a session with intention, and start to finish best practices I was able to apply lessons from this book into both my personal and professional life for immediate success. This read felt applicable for anyone who manages a team, plans events, or wishes to have guidance in planning a milestone event (e.g. birthday, wedding) – you will feel more empowered about the decisions you make.

Multipliers: How The Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter by Liz Wiseman

A mandatory read as part of a leadership development program, I found this book an important read for new leaders. In my program, our cohort was asked to read the book as a group, have a discussion, and employ some of the tactics in the book to avoid being a Diminisher (knowingly or unknowingly). The book peels back ideas on what makes for a successful individual contributor that creates a diminishing manager and other behaviors that make one stand out as an individual but poor at multiplying the impact of one’s team. This read felt applicable for new leaders and as a reminder for those managing a new time – a chance to reset expectations and even transparently discuss team norms. 

Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman

Recommended by a friend who also identifies as an introvert, this book was a useful read in understanding what relationships click and what it takes to be in sync as relationships evolve. Professionally, you will need to establish relationships with colleagues to be as successful as possible and for many junior employees you will have to sort through which of your colleagues will graduate from “work friend” to “real friend.” Although this book is not an instruction manual on how to make friends, it does look at a pair of friends’ friendship as it starts, coalesces, is stressed, and is invested in to make sure it continues to work. Importantly, it looks at two women whose friendship is also their work – a podcast – and how that public presentation of their friendship also impacts their private friendship. This read felt applicable to those thinking about navigating challenging friendships, understanding what your needs in a friendship are, and considering where next for a working relationship. 

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain

Recommended to me by a therapist, I read this book at a critical time in life that added immense clarity. Cain looks at the institutions from school to work to places like Harvard Business School that are structurally set up for extraverts and their success. The book dissects how many of these structures came to be as they are and the ways in which introverts can add value. It would be a good read for anyone on the introversion-extraversion spectrum and potentially as a team activity. This read felt applicable for introverted employees and student leaders who might need an extra reminder that their skillset is differentiated and equally valuable as well as managers of teams with employees differently orientated toward introversion and extraversion. 

Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noah Harari

Recommended by a friend ahead of a group trip for discussion while on vacation (specifically the third edition which is much more inclusive), I found this book a useful read. I describe it as useful because you do not need to believe in non-monogamy to enjoy reading about the history of non-monogamy and how it has evolved in the United States. It also shatters some preconceptions about non-monogamy and emphasizes elements of any relationship that are made more complex – for example, communication with one’s partner around needs and feelings require explicit engagement in non-monogamous relationships. While not overly salacious, the book left me wondering about what it would take for me to opt into the types of arrangements discussed in the book. This read felt applicable to inward reflection as well as platonic and romantic relationships – be they monogamous or not.

Americanah by Chimamanda Adechi

One of the first books that comes up when you want to gain an understanding of the African experience in the US, UK, and the continent, Americanah is a good starting point. Admittedly, Adechi’s book is about the Nigerian experience but the characters you encounter cover many of the tropes and stereotypes found across the diaspora — and how we interact with each other. Adechi is a divisive author for the personal beliefs she has shared and would recommend you research her views before deciding what makes sense for you. I read this book before those views were shared.

Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe

In search of a novel considered a classic read by an acclaimed African author, you are often lead to Achebe’s Things Fall Apart. It’s important to acknowledge what is considered a classic is also a function of that author’s colonizing country and language as well as the relationship between those two countries. I thoroughly enjoyed reading about a pre-colonial era, Igbo traditions on display, the subtext around masculinity, and what it means to hold onto tradition against a changing society. After reading this novel, it is clear why this is an important and long-lived read for those with a tie to England’s colonialism – either by language or prior settlement.

Kindred by Octavia E Butler

Black authorship is often concentrated in the American South or the Northeast, I wanted to find a novel that engaged the West Coast black experience. Butler is an incredible writer who was able to trap me into reading about an uncomfortable subject like slavery with joy. The mechanism Butler uses to visit a genre that has been overly done is impeccable and creative. There is so much I cannot say to avoid spoiling the book but there was a poignant question for me after reading: would you rather exist if it came from a bad place or not exist at all. It was a truly existential question that sat with me through the read. It was a tension that I wanted so badly to be resolved. All Butler books are recommended full stop – her craft and impact is undeniable.

Tenderheaded: A Comb-Bending Collection of Hair Stories by Juliette Harris

I sought a that could speak to aspects of Black culture at large through something like hair. Harris’ collection of vignettes, short stories, pictures, and poems are so stellar at weaving a tapestry that surrounds you in Black wonder. Whether you think about the hair growing from your head or your face, this book is a valuable tool of empathy for our parents, siblings, children, and community. Personally, I never considered how someone like Dennis Rodman – men are a very small part of this book – was a hair trendsetter and then was pushed to think about who that male contemporary is. This read is for all who care about Blackness.

An Untamed State by Roxane Gay

I was very curious to explore books that could speak to aspects of Caribbean culture. Again, once you identify a region, it becomes clear that no one country or story can speak to the totality of a region – but reading multiple stories, histories, etc can provide a context that becomes incredibly useful. This novel was a hard read. An incredibly hard read because of the subject matter. I can’t say too much more without giving away the full plot, but there is sexual assault. And it is written in such a way that I had to call a friend to talk about the book after because I just did not understand the full extent of what is possible for women especially when moving through the world.

Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood by Trevor Noah

I wanted a book that could speak to aspects of Southern African culture. Noah’s memoir is a humorous but touching journey that explores parts of South Africa’s not too distant history with apartheid. He directly speaks about his existence being illegal under apartheid laws. Very few memoirs can perfectly capture the history of a full people or a country or even an era in time. I think Born a Crime is a good read specifically because we can know Trevor Noah. We can watch him on television, we can watch interviews where he’s spoken about his upbringing, and we can keep seeing the through-line of his past with his future. This is quite rare for those writing about traumatic periods of time. For those weary, there is a lightness and humor in the book that makes the read move easily and without too many tears.

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

I wanted a book that was written by a European author that is considered a classic. Whether Dumas was seen as Black or not based on that period’s standings is something I did not explore, but his mother was a Black woman from Haiti/Dominican Republic. The Count of Monte Cristo is my all-time favorite book (before I knew of Dumas’ heritage). It is a tale of adventure, revenge, intrigue, and motivation that is a captivating read (and movie). I saw the movie first and then was still in love with the book and believe that you can appreciate both.